Starting the Morning Right
This morning we went to church to celebrate Epiphany together. Though not a common holiday for most people anymore, my church still sets it aside to honor the day the wise men came to visit Jesus.
We got to church maybe a little earlier than normal, and because not everyone keeps this holiday, the parking lot was almost empty. Inside we hang up our jackets and my family parts ways. My dad goes to the sound booth, my brother to his usual pew where my other brother, his wife, and our group of friends will join him later, and me to the piano.
My mom is working today at a care home in town so she wasn’t in church this morning.
Never Say Never…
I recently started playing for church Sunday mornings. Not something I ever pictured myself doing. At least not for a very long time. Maybe once I reached an age where I didn’t have a desire to be a part of the Sunday school. So probably in a few decades or more, if ever.
Really though, I never thought I would be sitting at the piano in the sanctuary for any other reason than playing prelude or playing during the Sunday school Christmas program.
Why would I need too? We had two very capable pianist/organists. Why would I need to play? Sure people joked that one day I would be up there, some even asked if I’d do it. I always said no because every time I thought “there’s no way they’re serious.”
For God Will Prove You Wrong…
Well sometime last year, I think it was Ascension Day or Easter Monday, not on a Sunday morning, I sat there playing prelude. Next thing I know one of the song leaders walks up the aisle and asks me if I want to play for church. The first word to exit my mouth was the oh so positive, “no.” However, then I asked what songs. He showed me and allowed me to change the ones I wasn’t comfortable playing.
So there I was, doing what I never thought I’d do. Playing for church.
From what I remember it went pretty well. All things considered. Afterwards though, I figured that would be the end of it. No more. My heart is in Sunday school, I don’t have time to play for church.
Then a few months later, I got a text message while I was working on cleaning out the office (a more difficult task than you’d think.) The text came from one of the other song leaders asking if I was available to play piano in church on Sunday. Oh by the way, this was on a Friday evening at 8:00pm.
Not giving me much option, because well, I was available even if I didn’t want to be. So he sent the songs and I rushed to the piano and frantically started practicing…. just to have one of the songs changed the next day.
That time it also went pretty good. Much better than expected. By no means perfect, my intros were too fast, but still pretty good considering the notice.
Once again, I figured no more. Last time. Won’t happen again. After all we still had two regular players, this was just a one time thing. Ok, second time thing.
When You Least Expect It
Ha! God’s ways are definitely greater than our ways. For that wasn’t the last time. Not by a long shot.
Shortly after the second time, the regular pianist stepped down from playing. Then I was asked to step up for playing. I said I would think about it (boy did my answer change) and that I wasn’t ready to give up playing for Sunday school. The song leader who asked me suggested that I could even just play one Sunday a month just to help out so it wasn’t all on one person.
That made sense and I really had no real reason to say no, as long as I could work around Sunday school. So I thought about it and eventually I agreed.
Why? Because I read Isaiah 6:8
“Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.” (KJV)
Here am I; send me
Isaiah 6:8 (KJV)
I committed that verse to my own life. Where the Lord sends me I will go.
It has been a struggle in every way possible and I’m not sure I have obeyed at every turn. I definitely need to work on my attitude when going. But overall, it has been a blessing to be used by God.
The Greatest Struggles…
This path took me to the piano bench in the front of the church on the occasional Sunday morning (and Friday morning.) It also took me to practices where I learned that I am far from perfect and striving for it makes me look worse.
Ouch. Yeah, I know I said in a previous post Two Things a Musician Must Overcome that we should strive to be like Jesus, thus striving to be perfect, but I realized that there are two different kinds of perfect.
The worldly kind (which is what I was striving for), is unreachable and belittling. The godly kind, brings us to a closer relationship with Christ for through Him is the only way to find that kind of perfection.
Last Sunday I also played for church. New Years Day, a day to celebrate and bring in the new year. Not in my brain. I was drained. As usual, we stayed up till after midnight playing games with friends. But also, I was right in the middle of trying to fight off a cold or flu or something that made everything hurt and gave me next to no appetite.
I played horribly. For one of the songs I played the intro and paused to show I was about to start the song, and then I lost my spot and didn’t play the first measure of notes. At the beginning of the song! The embarrassment should have been tomato red. However, due to my unemotional state, I didn’t have room for embarrassment. At least not until a couple days later.
Let’s face it, January 1, 2023 I was miserable. Did I need to be? No, I could have faked being fine and had a smile on my face. But I wasn’t fine and I made no attempt to be fine. That’s the real issue. I didn’t try.
I didn’t try to be fine. I didn’t try to seek help to be fine. Sure I was popping vitamins and pain killers, but that didn’t help me emotionally. I needed Jesus for help in that department and I didn’t seek Him.
One of the things I got out of the message this morning was the definition of wisdom. In my own words, wisdom is seeking Jesus.
Wisdom is seeking Jesus
Today I did just that. Before I went up to play any of the songs, I prayed. I prayed, ” Lord, please let me play for Your honor and glory.” Short and simple. But oh so needed.
Bring the Greatest Blessings
Oh I still messed up, but I could keep going and smile while I did. (If you watch the live stream you probably won’t see that because I tend to smile more in my heart than on my face. I need to work on that.) I played from my heart and I found out already that my playing for Jesus, my seeking Jesus before I played, impacted at least one person. That’s enough.
If I can help one person by playing for Jesus, then it was worth the suffering to get there. It was worth every painful night of practice, when all I wanted to do was anything but. It was worth all the humiliating attempts at playing perfectly in front of a crowd, for it showed me I need the only perfect person to help me play at all.
The True Meaning of Life
If there’s one thing that I want people to learn from my fails and my successes, it would be this…
Before life brings you down, before you find yourself at rock bottom, before you feel so isolated that you feel alone in a crowd, before you think yourself unworthy of being here, SEEK JESUS.
He is there no matter what, He’s waiting for you to come to Him. If you truly want to live smart, live Jesus. Wisdom is seeking Jesus.
Beautifully written article, Hannah. I always enjoy listening to the piano 🎹 being played in church, personally it’s one of my favourite sounds. Thanks for playing and keep up the great work.
The piano is one of my favorites as well. As many new instruments as I try, I always go back to the piano. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!